Leading with Heart

One of the things that has pressed heavy on my heart and mind has been to ask deeper and better questions on how to lead. In high school and college, I believed that I was merely practicing how to be a leader for the day I was put in charge of something. I’ve realized more than ever this year that leadership in all of its complexities works its absolute best when I choose to lead myself first.

Bill Hybels once said, “You are the most difficult person you will ever lead.” For me, that’s one of those statements you hear and can’t move past until it is given the proper thought it demands. His words have walked with me for years, but this year especially, they have served as an anthem for me as a learning leader.

Do you ever feel like you have voices stuck in your head? I hear my parents’ voices in my head as an adult every single day—things that they would say to me again and again growing up. Maybe it was because I was a difficult child to parent. Maybe I needed to hear things multiple times. Or maybe they knew that someday I’d be on my own and would need those little reminders to come across the ticker of my mind. Either way, the voices I heard growing up have never left my head ever after I moved out of their home. And I’m so glad they’re still here.

Today was one of those challenging days as a leader. It was one of those days where you just want to go to bed and sleep through your alarm in the morning. I wish I could say I was an awesome leader today. But today, most of all, I failed to lead myself. I didn’t set the tone for the people around me. In fact, I set gossip traps and tried to get as many people on board my train called Natalie’s Self Pity Party Express. As I was driving home defeated from the day, I heard my dad’s voice come across my mind saying, “Natalie, you are a leader whether you believe it or not; whether you want to be one or you don’t. You are a leader and it’s your job to steward that gift.”

I think the most testing part about leadership is when I fail to lead myself first before trying to lead others. Sometimes I thrive on using my authority flippantly because I like to be in the business of getting things done, instead of recognizing that holding authority requires discernment and humble stewardship. In the movie Fireproof, Kirk Cameron’s character is told by his good friend and co-worker that he has to “lead his heart” and not be deceived by his emotions. How true that is for a tender heart like mine. I have a tendency to feel things so deeply and to believe things so strongly, that I have a challenging time not acting directly out of those two things.

You may not be in charge of anyone. You may have a lot of people in charge of you. But regardless, you and I are the same. We have to lead ourselves. We have to make decisions for ourselves every day. I find that my responses to leadership opportunities immediately reflect what my heart has been dwelling on, in, or around. Sometimes my answer is Hallmark movies, especially this time of year. Other answers may include my Spotify playlist, the podcast I just finished, the book I’m currently reading. It could be the sermon from Sunday or just the opposite: my lack of spending time soaking in what Jesus has to say about leadership and treating others, all which can be found in the Bible next to my bed.

What has your heart been dwelling on in this season of your life? If you think really about it, do any of your responses to the people you lead (which may simply be yourself), reflect the current state of your heart? This may be shocking, but I have both of my hands straight up in the air right now!

One of my favorite things about growing up in Cherry Hills family is the overall sense that we are in this together. I cherish the fact that we are all learning how to love and be loved. Often times the phrases we would say together at Cherry Hills are like voices in my head now that I live in Wisconsin. The banner over my heart looks a lot like what you see hanging on the walls of the worship center: I am fighting my tendency to drift towards shallow Christianity. I truly want to lead myself and others how Jesus led. I love that he drew people in to him by living a life of equal grace and truth. He led by humbly serving others (even his enemies) in a culture that pressured him to serve himself first.

More than ever, I want to stay in tune to leading my heart well. If this was a sermon, this would be the “yes, but how?” section in my message notes. And with my dad’s voice declaring this verse over me, here is what I would fill in the blanks with: Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct your paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

One thing I’ve always seen proven true is when I acknowledge Jesus and lean on him for direction, is my leadership and communication with other people gets better. It creates a “rising tide lifts all boats” mentality among the team that I’m apart of and best of all, I become a winsome person that my boss can enjoy working with.

In the words of Louie Giglio, my footing of faith is directly proportional to the way that I care about people and execute my job in my organization. On leading yourself, Louie says this, “You may not have control over every decision that gets made, but you do have 100% control of your attitude, your joy, and your effort.”

In 2017, I have gravitated towards leadership books because I know I have so much to learn and they’re one resource I have that can help me grow.

Some of the books that I have read or listened to on Audible that have been incredibly helpful for me are:

How to Lead When You’re Not in Charge by Clay Scroggins
Seven Practices of Effective Ministry by Andy Stanley
The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C. Maxwell
The Hiding Place by Corie Ten Boom
Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin
The Dream Manager by Matthew Kelly

A few podcasts I’ve found encouraging:

Don’t Waste Your Work by Louie Giglio from the Passion City Church Podcast (Posted on January 29, 2017)
The Ken Coleman Show
The Glorious in the Mundane Podcast with Christy Nockels (one of the best recommendations I’ve ever received—thank you, Jenny!!!)

As I finish processing through my leadership immaturity from today, I want to take ownership of the fact that there was never not a time throughout my grumbling today that I was not in charge of my attitude, my joy, or my effort. Tomorrow I am going to have to walk into my workplace and apologize to the people that had to Clorox wipe themselves off from all of my spew. I am always accountable for me. If you saw the movie “Wonder” you may recognize the precept, “Your deeds are your monuments.” Yep–nailed it!

So if you are anything like me or find living out Christianity in the workplace or even at home to be a struggle, know this: we are going to fail in front of people. The bigger failure is not choosing to let those failures develop character within us and we do that by owning up to the things we did wrong and the people we may have hurt. I will be the first person to tell you that this is not fun and unfortunately (and also fortunately) I’ve had a lot of practice building character. But you are a leader whether you believe it or not; whether you want to be one or you don’t. You are a leader and it’s your job to steward that gift.

After I close this laptop tonight, I am going to dwell in Proverbs 3:5-6 and the absolute grace of tomorrow. With all of our hearts, I hope we can both know tonight that we can trust Jesus with the things that bring us joy and the situations that bring us grief. We can choose to acknowledge Him when things don’t go our way or when we don’t understand.

And if we do, He says that He will be with us. I love that. This Christmas season as I picture the manger scene, I find myself in tears each time I whisper to Jesus, “You came!” He came into my mess by choice and for that I can walk in the power of “with”—that Jesus is Emmanuel. He’s withme.

The Steadfast Heart

Learning to live out of grace + truth with steadfast joy