The Steadfast Heart

Like the rest of the Netflix world, I watched Marie Kondo’s series titled “Tidying Up” and caught the organizational craze that is bound to flicker out by the end of the month of January. Things like organization truly sparks joy for me (that’s for you, Marie). But in the last six months as my apartment has miraculously shrunken in square footage and the baby gear has taken over, I’ve come to realize I can only organize so much of my own clutter.

Samantha Ponder is one of my favorite women in the sports industry, not only for her talent, but for the authentic way she takes on life. Listen to any podcast she’s on, watch her on Sunday NFL countdown, or follow her on Instagram–she gets humble and real in a contagious way. When I heard her tell a podcast host last summer that she had gotten rid of 70% of her stuff, I was all ears. I had this lingering feeling that I was living the Costco lifestyle of buying in bulk and ultimately watching things collect dust in my crowded cabinets.

Even now, as I scroll through Instagram and follow accounts like @lifeinjeneral (who does incredible work, by the way), I cannot get over that yes, it’s great to be organized. But for me, if I needed that many organizational bins for my makeup, guess what? I think I have too much makeup. As Sam Ponder said, she got tired of trying to reorganize all of the stuff she had in organizational bins. There was only so much she could truly rearrange before realizing her issue was beyond tidying up.

And I guess that’s what I’m getting at. No, of course there’s nothing wrong with owning things and there’s actually nothing bad about owning things even if they don’t spark joy. But for me I realized I’ve been dealing with a contentment issue. And that contentment or lack thereof has actually hindered me from opening up my heart to God’s best for me and so I’ve been on a quest of less, for more.

I’ve listened to countless podcasts, YouTube videos, and books on living with less or minimalism, if you will. While I enjoy the entertainment they’ve provided, the conclusion I’ve arrived to has been that no one can tell me what to get rid of, what to keep, how much is too much, how little is too little to live with. All of the content I’ve consumed on the subject doesn’t necessarily lead to a changed life, but I’ve humbly tried to present these thoughts to Jesus because I think they matter to Him even if they sound silly to me.

When I was a kid, my Dad would read stories about Adam Raccoon to me and my brothers. Adam Raccoon, in one of the tales gets his paw stuck inside of a jar because he’s closed his fist around an olive (if my memory serves me correctly). Adam is in danger and needs to make a run for it, but he refuses to let go of his grasp inside of the jar that is holding him hostage. It isn’t until he lets go that his paw is freed and he can make his way to safety. This may be an extreme, but I want to live a life like Adam Raccoon after he realizes the “stuff” is not ultimately what matters.

I have a tendency to spend an embarrassing amount of time on any app that makes it easy for me to scroll: Amazon, Instagram, Pinterest, Target, Hobby Lobby, and lately even my grocery apps have me thinking of “more“. So often I find myself having to work my way out of the mindset that there is something missing.

That sweater that blogger said was a must? Is it really? I don’t look good in mustard, but maybe since this blogger is telling me to swipe up, mustard will look different on me this time.
30% off? Gotta have it. Nope. No I don’t. Because every time that thing is 30% off, I buy it and have yet to use it.
IKEA IS HAVING A DRESSER SALE. I’ll need a dresser next year, so let me buy it now!

Real thoughts I’ve had this week. The hilarious thing is I unfollowed a handful of fashion bloggers that Hunter laughs at. The concept of someone going into Target, trying on clothes and posting videos of themselves talking about each item on their insta-stories is something he’s still not over. But I’m just giving you my honest struggle. I wrestle with comparison with these kinds of girls, unfollow them…but still find myself on their pages. No one to blame but myself.

So what does this practically look like for me since I’m so great at failing at it? I’m simply asking God to help me live with less, so that I can be ready for more of Jesus. More of Jesus’s character. I want to emulate more of his gratitude. His steadfastness. When I picture Jesus in need in the Bible, I don’t ever read him rushing to action. The first thing Jesus does is acknowledge his Father. Amazing. I have never truly known or experienced being in dire need, I’ve never not known where my next meal would come from and I’ve always had security in terms of basic needs.

So if even Jesus, who had everything and nothing during his 33 years of life on earth, can ask God to provide him with direction and provision, I think that’s something I can challenge myself to do, too. Sam Ponder said the reason she doesn’t regret simplifying her life so significantly is because she is now freed up to make decisions on what she will wear so much faster, she is happier with the things she truly enjoys and doesn’t have to step over the things she does not, and she’s able to press into the person God made her to be that much more readily.

I love that. Godliness with contentment is great gain. So I am choosing less–for more! Take care and take heart,

Natalie