One of the books I read this month was called “How’s Your Soul?” by Judah Smith. As I was checking the book out of the library, I joked with the librarian that it seemed like a pretty light read. She didn’t laugh.

The question that Judah asked throughout the pages was, “When was the last time your soul went home?” It’s one of those questions that makes you sit and think hard. For me, I sat and thought so intensely I needed an intermission from the gravity of the question.
To give you more context, Judah based his book off of the Bible and how our souls were created to live at home with God. Four of the “check-ins” for the question of, “How’s your soul?” he laid out are:

• Rest
• Responsibility
• Restriction
• Relationship

Can I be honest? I feel like I’ve stunk at all four of these–equally. So when the question of how’s my soul kept coming up again and again, my untrained response was, “Not good!” every time. I have this tendency where I love to spend an eternity naming all of my problems, but can’t get out of the conversation fast enough when it comes to finding a solution. To say my follow-through needs some work would be totally fair.

I’m writing this as an absolute work-in-progress, wishing I had more substance than my candor to put on this page. Do you ever feel like you have 19 things going simultaneously, and yet you can’t seem to focus on any of them or finish just one thing well? Yeah, same. That defeating feeling is followed by “what if” and “if only” statements and then the state of my soul oddly never improves.

I’m not sure where along the lines I adopted the try harder mentality, but the pendulum dramatically will swing between that and a white flag, I-surrender-all-Jesus posture in the span of an hour on any given day. I’m exhausted by my own complexity and can imagine most people feel as if they just ran a marathon in their minds trying to track with me. If you ask Hunter, I’ve won an uncanny amount of Emmy awards and there are times I wonder if my parents secretly pay him monthly for all of his patience with me.

A few weeks ago, my friend Courtney asked me a question that helped reframe my train of thoughts.

What is something that is saving you right now?

My answer today is song lyrics. I think God created music for our souls. I think he knew that we’d struggle to find adequate words for our feelings at times and I believe that he provides multiple avenues for us to arrive at a place of worship. This song caught me off guard this week and helped me throw up my white flag a whole lot faster than my own thoughts could get me there.

I’m so grateful for moments like that. I’m in awe that Jesus is after my soul. That he provides a safe place for me to find mental and emotional rest. I love that none of my overreactions to things provoke a stronger response from Jesus than his complete understanding.

May your soul feel at home today. May you know that you are fully known and fearlessly loved just as He finds you. Take care & take heart,

Natalie

As You Find Me – Hillsong United
Written by: Joel Houston / Matt Crocker / Benjamin Hastings

I’ve been strong
And I’ve been broken within a moment
I’ve been faithful
And I’ve been reckless at every bend
I’ve held everything together
And watched it shatter
I’ve stood tall and I have crumbled
In the same breath

I have wrestled
And I have trembled toward surrender
Chased my heart adrift
And drifted home again
Plundered blessing
Till I’ve been desperate to find redemption
And every time I turn around
Lord You’re still there

I was found
Before I was lost
I was Yours
Before I was not
Grace to spare
For all my mistakes
And that part just wrecks me

And I know I don’t deserve this kind of love
Somehow this kind of love is who You are
It’s a grace I could never add up
To be somebody You still want
But somehow
You love me as You find me

Who am I
To think Your glory needs my praises
But if this borrowed breath is Yours Lord
Take it all
You are faithful and You are gracious
And I’m just grateful
To think You don’t need a single thing
And still You want my heart

If You want my heart
I won’t second guess
‘Cause I need Your love
More than anything
I’m in
I’m Yours
Your love’s too good to leave me here
Your love’s too good to leave me

Joel Houston / Matt Crocker / Benjamin Hastings