The Steadfast Heart

You’ve Got Mail is my favorite movie for many reasons. One of my favorite Kathleen Kelly lines as she is emailing Joe Fox is,

“I like to start my notes to you as if we’re already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend we’re the oldest and dearest of friends–as opposed to what we actually are, people who don’t know each others names.”

You’ve Got Mail, 1998

So as my oldest and dearest friend, I feel safe sharing with you what I am learning as of late. I’d like to go on record and say that my mind is having an incredibly challenging time fully expressing myself. So prepare for me to talk in circles to you in hope that they make some sort of sense.

Several months ago I was on a walk with my dad, something that we do together often. I am the type of person who never wants a conversation to end and he is one who likes an exciting experience to last as long as possible. We make a good team in this way, where he can walk with a freed up mind, and as long as I can keep up with him, I am welcomed to share my endless stream of unfinished thoughts.

One of the things that came out of our conversation is that we need to continuously find joy in the ordinary. As my favorite Podcaster Christy Nockels has worded it: to find the glorious in the mundane. Reading those words sound like a simple to do, but for me, that is probably my biggest challenge in life.

Have you ever experienced the unsettling feeling of something missing from your experience? I get that. For me, that’s when finding joy in the ordinary seems impossible. Knowing what’s missing and not knowing how to fix it is like feeling an itch on your back, but not being able to reach it yourself.

With that being said, it has taken me a while to find myself here. If I had to give a summary of who I think I am at this very present time in my life, words like overwhelmed, doubtful, and weary come to mind.

My name is Natalie and I am learning to press into Jesus’s grace and truth as I wrestle with all of my fears and failures that I’ve let life rent-free in my head for far too long. I’ve believed many lies about myself, especially in this last year. Some of them were simply spoken over me and I crumbled under the weight of not being enough. Some lies I formed for myself in my darkest moments.

I have allowed myself to become and play the victim card for years and I’m finally here because I am exhausted and desperate for something better. Maybe all of this sounds very vague, but if you for any small reason you relate–I hope to pursue the grace and truth of Jesus with you and what that means for our lives.

At the end of the day, I know that I am His. I know that I am beloved as a daughter of the king of the universe. Knowing and believing though, are two separate things. You can know a lot of things without ever believing them in your heart.

So I am Natalie and I am ready to believe in the God who knows exactly who I am, even when I doubt truth. Welcome to the story of grace.